It’s been two years, a great deal can change in 730 days. I’ve experienced so much over the past 104 weeks — heartbreak, joy, fear — that it’s incredibly hard to keep track of it all.
It would be so easy to sit here and hide behind my computer and the walls that I’ve built over the past two years to protect myself, but then I begin to wonder — what if I was just honest and upfront. What if I confronted my thoughts and feelings instead of running away from them in fear? I guess the point I am getting at is that the thoughts and feelings we each experience on a daily basis deserve to be discussed, shared, and even shouted from the rooftops (if that’s what the occasion calls for, of course). So, that’s what I am here to do — express myself, which I have not done in quite some time.
Two years ago I attempted suicide for the third time, and I am very proud to say that I haven’t attempted since then. I would love to sit here and say that September 23, 2012 was the final time I attempted to end my life, but sadly I have no idea what the future holds. My thoughts and feelings could take a sharp turn tomorrow and I could fall back to square one.
Anything could happen.
But what I do know right now is that I am happy with myself, and even though some days (like today) are harder than others to get up and out of bed, by the time I do roll out of bed (sometimes not until noon), I’m glad I did. Each day is a struggle, and given everything I’ve been through, I feel more prepared than ever to take on the unique battle that each day brings.
If I could give one tip or piece of advice to anyone experiencing depression, sadness, or simply the Monday blues, it would be to change your perspective. It is so easy to fall in to the trap of negative thinking, but the moment you decide to look at life and/or a situation more positively, then everything will change and begin to fall into place.
So, stay strong, folks. And be kind to each other — that’s all that is really left to say, I guess.