There’s those moments in life where you just want to push pause. You want to take that extra second to soak it all in before it slips away. To say you’ve never experienced this is total utter bullshit – everyone has wanted to push the pause button at one time or another. The urge to push pause is never more prominent than when the end of the year is near.
12 months. 365 days. 52 weeks. They all add up to one year – one magnificent and terrifying year. So much can happen in a year, cliché I know, but it’s true. The beginning of the year could bring great things (as it did for me in 2014), while the second half can be incredibly unbearable. Whether life is coming up roses or going down in flames, there’s always moments you want to pause scattered throughout.
For me, 2014 had its fair share of times I wanted to pause, rewind, and replay, but this past year also had more than enough moments that I wanted to fast forward through. I would go over some of the most memorable moments from the year, but honestly, that would take a great deal of time considering the first six months were jam packed with them. The second half of the year, not so much, especially this past month alone.
While times have been a bit rough, I have been attempting to remind myself how lucky I am. I survived another year – a year filled with countless highs and lows, horrific demons, and too many scary thoughts to count. That’s what ultimately matters, right? I’ve made quite a lot of mistakes, but I learned and grew from them. At the end of the day (or in this case, year), that’s what counts.
Tears have been shed, smiles have been had, and I am much stronger as a result of it all. I may not be where I want to be in life right now, but that can all change in an instant, I just need to try. As 2014 comes to an end, and 2015 revs up to kick off, I’ve realized that I need to stop focusing on the past and let go of the rewind button. I’ve learned all I can, it’s time to stop pressing pause on the good times and let the tape play on.
Granted, I could fast forward and focus on only the future, but there’s so much going on now, in this moment, that I would otherwise miss. And it all demands to be felt – the good, the bad, the ugly. No matter how much I want to avoid the bad and the ugly, it needs to be experienced or else what’s the point? Why go through life only for the good? You’ll learn nothing for one, and two, sometimes you need to hit rock bottom in order to get the kick in the ass you need to get back up.
I’ve lost track of the point of this post, but if you take away anything, I do hope that it is to just live. Yes, you’re not going to enjoy every moment, but it will all be worth it – the good, the bad, the ugly – each contributes to the person you are destined to become. And that person is wonderful. Maybe that person has felt deep sadness and heartbreak, but it is best to feel something than nothing at all. As we all kiss 2014 goodbye, let’s remember to start 2015 on a positive note, on play instead of pause. Because wouldn’t you rather start the year by living rather than by hiding behind the known? I know I certainly would, so that’s exactly what I am going to do.
Deuces 2014, hello 2015.